It's Not Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood

by Hazel Holland

Title

It's Not Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood

Artist

Hazel Holland

Medium

Painting - Oil - Digital Painting

Description

This image was originally part of an unfinished oil painting that had been sitting around for some time because I had lost the postcard that I was using as my reference to finish the artwork. So today I decided to take the unfinished oil and finish painting it digitally on Paint 3D and then enhance it on Photoshop Express.

As I was painting "Dream Big, Little Girl" I got in touch with deep emotion. Painting has always been an outlet for me through which to express my deep feelings when words alone fail to do the job. As a little girl I had dreams, but they were more like daydreams as I never thought it would ever be possible to escape the impossible situation I lived in from day to day...

This little girl I painted lives inside of me. She is part of who I am. She reminds me of the way I felt as a child much of the time... sad, afraid, unloved, invisible, but always hopeful that some day I would learn how to express my feelings without fear of being punished or ridiculed. So I want to share my heart with her before I lose the courage to be this vulnerable.

“Little girl, I always dreamed of having, but never had... You have been inside of me all along, but I have been too afraid to acknowledge your presence. So afraid to face the endless years of anguish and pain that knowing you would bring.

Your years of sadness and hopeless confusion are now your gift to me. I will dream big where you never knew you could. I will win where you never had permission to fail. I want you to know that you are very precious to me because you are me. You never knew that when you were two. You never received that message when you were five. Because you were neglected at six, I learned to neglect myself as an adult. Because you were rejected at seven, I learned to reject myself in every possible way.

Little girl, you learned that your feelings were not to be trusted when you were eight. You were told that your feelings would always lead you astray when you were nine... that they were foolishness when you were ten. So without realizing it you tried to ignore and repress the God-given means by which you could come to know yourself, your God, and the world around you when you were eleven.

Little girl, I abandoned you just like I was abandoned. I'm sorry that I have ignored your silent cries to be loved since you were two. Please forgive me for continually pushing you away when you needed to know that you mattered since you were four. I never knew there was any link, until now, between the little girl I rejected and the broken relationships I have been through. Going back is painful. Remembering brings tears. But refusing to see and go back and reclaim my lost childhood spells more heartache...

Little girl, you are loved…not only because you are part of me, but because you are made in God’s image. I have chosen to love you, because I am finally learning to love myself. Learning and accepting that God unconditionally loved me before I ever chose to love Him back has freed me to receive His heart for you. Becoming more aware of who I am in Him has given me the courage to snatch joy out of the path of pain, and embrace your soul in all its gentleness and sensitivity, and discover my own.

Little girl, that I now have, and always dreamed of having. You have given me the wisdom and folly of your years. They are your gift to me. I will dream big where you never knew you could. I will win where you never had permission to fail. Thank you for coming back. In loving you, I am beginning to love myself, because you see, dear one, it is me that I see when I look at you... and I dare to dream that it's not too late to have a happy childhood."♥♥

Note: Fineartamerica watermark will NOT appear on the final purchased product.

Uploaded

December 20th, 2018

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